What do you say when asked about nursing school? What do you say at a senior banquet??? How do you describe God's faithfulness and the lessons you have learned {and are still learning} through 4 of the most difficult, strenuous, testing, lonely, yet encouraging, exciting, stretching, humbling, life-changing years of your life? Was it what I thought it would be? No. But what did I know? I had no idea what to expect really.
I fainted once in a doctor's office as a patient and fainted again visiting a friend in the hospital, so coming close to high school graduation mom once asked whether I really wanted to go do nursing school :). Despite my fears, I have never fainted since! There was literally nothing else I ever saw myself doing. There was no doubt in my mind. Was I nervous? of course. But there was no plan B. Nurses warned my with horror stories saying that they hated nursing school but love their jobs. Yay! that should make me excited right?! I knew coming into it - it wasn't always pretty. I can still testify to that :). I knew the course work would be "hard" but had no idea what that really meant. I was told I needed to be good in science but had never heard of "theory." Still don't like talking about nursing theories, even if I almost understand them now. What I did not expect: how much you {faculty, staff and students} really care. It is more than just a job to you! You deeply care for us and your patients; you have prayed for us and learned more than our names. It is obvious when you genuinely care for each other. I would probably lean towards Flo's {our ever affectionate nickname for Florence Nightingale, a story for another day} perspective in that one cannot really teach character and caring. One can teach skills, and some nurses really just do it as a job. I think we all equally enjoyed some of the lectures. You probably enjoyed standing to teach for 6 hours as much as we enjoyed sitting the same chair in the same room 6 hours a day 4 or 5 days a week all semester long. But we were learning even when we didn't realize it. You cared enough to think about life beyond the classroom, even when we did not understand why you pushed us to dig deeper; it was to prepare us. You cared enough to make us think about our patient's lives, and not just for filling out paperwork. Another thing I didn't expect was how close we would become and the incredible friendships. I have never experienced such long-standing comradery as we have. In studying together, praying together, making messes in lab together, coffee together, quizzing each other, watching each other practice that sterile wound dressing change for the 15th time, taking each other's blood pressure over and over {it was a difficult thing sophomore year!}, running to the den in 3.5 minutes, grab and go breakfasts together, driving to clinical together, doing paperwork in the study lounge late into the night - whether or not we may have wanted to - there was no getting away from each other. There are many moments I will never forget, like my heart racing during my first check-off when I had to take the pulse 4 times before I got it right because the clock on the wall was ticking soOO loud that I thought the pulse was 60 every time, to the time we watched out first delivery and baby being born, to the time we suited up for the operating room, to the interview for entrance into the nursing program. There are somethings, on the other hand, we are all going to try to forget, and that is ok too. :) But one of the greatest comforts, looking forward to the uncertainty of the future. is to remember God's faithfulness of the past. In Exodus God called His people time after time to remember, to tell the next generation, and to reflect on His protection, guidance, provisions, and mercy. These are so true; even when life changes, He does not! The reality that this is it, that we are really never going to be told to download another syllabus from online {printing them just takes too much time these days right??}, that we are really going to get to wear scrubs more than one day a week for clinical, that we are really going to wear the pinning dress and walk across the stage - has not set in. And it probably won't until it is passed. But through this all - the endless projects, tears, prayer, unit analysis for chemical equations and drug calculations, flashcards, labs, long nights, nursing diagnoses, care plans that we had no idea how to do, pathophysiology, mission trips, group presentations, history of civ terms, or getting news from home, the phone calls we never wanted to get, the days we would not have asked for, losing those once close, the unpredictable and hard days - God has brought us through more than I ever expected or anticipated. Thankfully, God is never limited to our expectations! Life is a journey, and these four years are no exception; better yet, it is just the beginning. I have SOO much more to learn! What has been my favorite thing in nursing school? First, the people! But secondly, and perhaps counterintuitively {that is our fun word we all learned in Anatomy & Physiology}, it is seeing suffering. NOT because it is easy or fun or I would wish it on anyone. But because of our studies, because of our major, we have the incredible honor and opportunity to see into people's lives, to walk alongside for a mere 4 or 8 or 10 hours, not really accomplishing anything that the staff probably could not have done without us - but if we let ourselves, we get an incredible reality check on a weekly basis. This is not just an assignment but a privilege. Going to the hospital became normal, and it took me a little while to realize that most people don't ever see what we see, unless it has happened to their family or friend. Most people - especially at college - don’t get to see the community and reality of hurting people as closely or as often as we do. We get the opportunity be reminded - of faces we will never be able to get out of our minds - that we live in a very broken world and our only hope is in our Creator. As the freshman class prepares for entrance interviews, I have been reminded of the one question that stood out to me from my interview 3 years ago. The chairman asked if I realized I would not be able to continue in the program if I for example became blind or no longer physically able to complete the skills. Of course I said I understood, but the question never left my mind. What if I really did have to leave? Is this where my purpose is? Since then I have realized that as much as nursing school has become a part of who I am, as much as it has shaped my thinking and choices, as much as I love it and could not imagine having studied anything else - it is not my identity. It is much more comforting to know that we are resting in Christ. He is our Rock and sure foundation! In reading through Job recently, it hit me that even before Job lost all of his children {a much greater loss}, he lost his entire livelihood. Everything that could have been said to be "his successes" was no longer. If his identity had been in his agricultural establishments, his vocation, his trade and business - his greatness and value was stripped away. But Job responds instead with great wisdom, realizing that his successes were from the Lord, that he did not come into this world with anything and would leave with nothing. The fact that we have come this far, is only by His grace. Come what may tomorrow; our security is only in Him! So what are our plans? As some would say, "if I had a dollar for every time someone asked... I would be a rich man!" Proverbs 16:9 says "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Some days those plans are exciting, other times overwhelming. Is it a necessary part of life. We are supposed to be proactive, but in making plans let the Lord lead. All the individual steps He already knows. We may only see a few puzzle pieces right now like "pass the NCLEX" then "get a job" but I am thankful to know the ONE Who made the puzzle, Who is holding the puzzle box, and Who will put all the pieces together! His timing is not mine, but His plan is perfect. Now as we look forward to graduation, my challenge to myself is to never let those faces - those stories - just be a job. Yes, we will have a duty to serve, to think critically, to follow protocol, to advocate, to educate, to assess, and implement, but in some ways anybody can do that. Not everybody cares. I am learning that one person cannot be everything, to everybody, all the time; and life is not about glory in doing the spectacular but faithfulness in the daily and mundane. To give, we must first "fill up" spiritually, emotionally, and professionally intellectually. But as we go out celebrate our hard work, and find our apartment, our job, choose to fill our free time, take those "well-deserved" vacations, may we keep our eyes off ourselves. May we ask for eyes to see the needs around us, to invest, and bless those who have served us. |
AuthorI will be the first to admit that I am not a writer, but have a sincere aspiration to articulate Truth with grace, in love, seasoned with salt. Here is a journal of sorts, or photo documentations of a journey - one currently around the world in Papua New Guinea working at the Kunai Health Center. Thanks for visiting and your support! Archives
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